You hate her. She is thinner than you are. She spent a lot of time with the person you now consider YOUR man. No matter how much you dig, ask, or inquire – you will never really know if you are a better lover than she is, or if your partner still thinks about her from time to time. She is the ex-girlfriend. And for most women, you don’t have to know much about her to know that you don’t like her one little bit. Which is sort of ironic, considering the two of you seem to have the same taste in men, right?
Truth is, ex-girlfriends make men better husbands in the long run. What YOU are enjoying today is definitely in part due to the fruits of HER labor. During their relationship, she taught him things about love, sex, and relationships that in one way or another play a large part in who he is today with you. Perhaps he had a philandering soul in his previous relationships. Maybe he was the kind of guy that couldn’t go anywhere without flirting or making eyes at another woman to soothe his male ego. Chances are that she and he fought endlessly about his bad habits, and now he has realized in part because of the loss of her - that this type of behavior is unwelcome in relationships. One day, you should thank her for sparing you being the one to teach him this heartbreaking lesson.
Maybe the two of them lived together for a while. In the beginning, he was selfish and hogging the remote control. He never put the toilet seat down, and forgot where to put his dirty dishes. She was the nag. She was the one who was constantly mothering him and teaching him how to co-habitate with another person. Her nagging, may very well be the reason the relationship ended – but now he makes a great housemate, and even rinses his own razor clippings down sink without being asked.
What about that ex he had with the big boobs - who is still working at Hooters? You know, the girl that was constantly whining because she didn’t think he SHOWED her that he loved her in appropriate ways. He forgot her birthday. Never sent flowers. Never said, “I love you,” and blew off important dates. Then one day she walked out, with her big boobs and never looked back – leaving him to wonder what he did wrong. Chances are he sends you flowers now, plans events for your anniversary and goes the extra mile to be thoughtful and let you know how much he cares about you. Another ex you might want to consider thanking rather than scowling at the next time you go to Hooters for hot wings.
Then of course – because how could you forget – there is that girl that he never really dated in college – but only had a sexual relationship with. She is still his Facebook friend, and it irritates you beyond comprehension that he would still be in touch with her. You think she is a slut. But she, my friend – taught him how to be a good lover. She taught him how to make women feel satisfied in the sack, and she put up with dozens of 6-minute quickies to begin with so that you could one day enjoy the lover he has become today. It is because of her, that he spends so much time appreciating YOUR body now.
None of us can ever truly escape our past loves. In one way or another, all the people that have come before us are teachers of our future. All men and women learn from the culmination of their relationships past, and if they are smart, move forward becoming a little better in one category of love or another.
The reason that he is with you today, likely has to do with something that he was taught by a previous girlfriend. Having them, helped him figure out why he wanted you – instead of all the ones that came before.
It is silly to sit around and worry or wonder about the past loves of your husband or partner. Nothing that you do in the moment, will change what happened between the two of them. Dwelling on his past, only reminds him of it – and can actually make your own relationship, your present relationship with him – more difficult. It is important to remember that he is with YOU now, and that the girls left behind by his trail or love or lusts are behind him. He came through those relationships with more to offer YOU – and for that, you should be thankful.