Exactly 15 years ago today I was a svelte blonde bombshell who was extremely health conscious and spent about 25% of my time working out. The rest of the time I was wearing tight but classy clothes that showed off every curve of my hard earned body and rarely if ever consumed anything that had extra calories, fat, carbs or wasn’t for the greater good of my health. If I spent a night out partying with friends I spent the entire next day drinking lemon spiked water and rebounding in order to cleanse the toxins from my body. Although I didn’t know it then; I was hot by all expanses of the word. It was during this time that I met the man who would become my husband. That was 15 years ago today!
During our dating years he never mentioned my appearance but I always knew that he was proud of being with me. He was not jealous, clingy, possessive or untrusting yet I knew that he knew that there probably wasn’t a man out of my reach. That thought never did and still has not crossed my mind. Now, married with a houseful of children under our belt I have to admit that the one thing I let go of was my body. Not because it didn’t matter or because it wasn’t important; but because enduring multiple pregnancies, c-sections, breastfeeding (which I swear makes women retain weight longer) and living through the dynamic changes that child rearing and age put on a woman’s body (at least most women) there was no time or energy left to pay it mind. Until recently!
I started a silent diet several months back not telling a soul. I cut out the Coke’s and began eating properly. Instead of picking up half eaten chocolate covered pretzels and finishing the food on my children’s plate I began replacing meals with Slim Fast shakes and cutting out sugars and sweets altogether. Water began to become my life blood and drinking enough ounces to match my weight per pound was cleansing my skin, my body and interestingly my soul. It just felt good. The first week or two were a bit difficult and I was slightly hungry; wishing I could have the Nutty-Buddy or Potato chips that my children were snacking on. As soon as I realized that things were working though my appetite became as non-existent as dinosaurs. 27 pounds and several months later I have to say that I feel great, proud and absolutely love the way I look again. The shift in my weight made me begin to take care of myself again; exercising properly, manicuring my fingers and keeping up with my highlights. It seemed that the whole world noticed the change in me and compliments, kudos and awe struck responses came pouring in. I could see the sexy curves of my collarbones and actually spent the time liberally applying sandalwood and rose lotion on my legs after every shower. Hot? Not exactly; but definitely on the way.
About this same time I realized that my husband never said a word. He would grumble and make sarcastic comments about the Slim Fast shakes in the fridge and would never forget to bring me home a Coke. He would tell the kids to “go give this to Mommy” at which they would exclaim “She doesn’t drink Coke anymore!” He hid Hershey chocolate bars on my pillows and began asking me to make “our” favorite Mexican cheese dip when the kids were in bed. As my clothes no longer fit I was becoming confident again to purchase those tight fitting yet classy clothes that made me feel like a woman. At 40; I still realized that things had to be age appropriate. Suddenly my husband would try to get me to wear his cut off sweat pants or oversized shirt to the store where a year ago he was complaining about me borrowing his duds. I realized almost at once, that my husband was trying to make me fat again. Although he never commented about my weight loss, he would comment that I wasn’t eating enough at dinner (compared to my two plates from the past) and say things like “I didn’t have to lose weight for him because he liked me the way I was.” (As if that was the only reason to lose weight)
The cokes, candy and late night invites to Mexican or Waffle House kept coming. Still nothing about how good I looked. The inner sex kitten was reawakened and I could tell when he ran his hands over my body that he was definitely enjoying sex more. The lights during sex were no longer an issue and the confidence in my self and my body improved our sex life tenfold. The lingerie from years ago was coming out of the drawers and onto my body and yes, he was (is) loving it! But no comments about my weight loss. He does complain about me waking up earlier than ever to get in my morning run and thinks I should take the time to ‘sleep in.’ Did he really want me to be fat again? I wasn’t sure.
It also seemed that my trips to Wal-Mart or the grocery store, to the PTA meeting and to the softball games now became more of a big deal. Where was I going, Why was I dressed so nice, who was going to be there that I wanted to impress? Hmm, a woman with four screaming ranting kids at her side is more like a poster child for birth control than for pin-up and I wondered what in the world he was thinking. I began to realize that although he never once complained about my old body that grew with every child I reared; he was somewhat concerned with the shape of the new one. 15 years into marriage and at the age of 40 it seemed silly to think I was up to anything. Even if I wanted to how in the world would I do it with kids constantly under my wing? My husband really did like me better fat. Perhaps not exactly; but he was comfortable and certain that few if anyone would find me attractive or at least attractive enough to cause him any strife.
So; my jury of 15 years of marriage concludes that husbands really do like their wives fat. Sure, they like to look at all those women who look hot and sexy but they want to know somehow that the woman they come home to is complacently unmotivated to get back her body. To me it seems that since our (his) sex life has become hot and wild again that he would certainly be appreciative of the super charged confidence and self pride I have again. But not so- now he just thinks I am hornier not realizing that I have always been this way but was too self conscious to act on it! Poor fellow! Just last weekend at a surprise party for an old high school buddy of my husband we ran in to people we hadn’t seen since before we got married. They were wowed by the fact that we had 4 kids, even more surprised that we were still married and even more shocked that I looked as good as I did. One of the guys slapped my husband on the back and said “Damn, even after all this time you still have the hottest wife in town!” My husband smiled and slipped his arm around my decreasing waist into the back pocket of my jeans. “Yeah…she looks pretty good” he said with a smile. We left it at that; but for the first time in a long time I felt that feeling again that he was proud to be with me. The difference is now the reasons are for more than just my looks! As we left the party which was essentially a barbeque he asked me if I wanted to go to Waffle House on the way home. Just for him…I said okay! Once we got there I ordered water and a grilled chicken salad with no dressing or cheese. He spent the whole meal trying to get me to ‘taste’ his scrambled eggs with cheese, hash browns and quarter cheese burger! Does he prefer me to be fat? Unequivocally…yes; but now he will have to learn to live with the new me that prefers to be thin! Somehow I think he will be okay with it…