When I was a kid I was very shy. My parents moved us around constantly and I was always the “new kid”. What's worse, they moved us from the North to the South and back again several times, so I got to experience having stereotypes thrust upon me by kids in both places. Put simply, people in the North think southern folks are, well, country folk. I was asked if I knew how to play the banjo and whether or not I was required to wear shoes. For the record, one of the first schools I went to in the South was in a very rural place populated by many poor folks, and no, shoes were not a requirement. In the South, some kids thought I was rude and “city folk” right off the bat. Stereotypes are a terrible thing, especially when perpetuated by naïve and unworldly children on the playground.

Because I was shy and knew no one, I did not seek out friends, but rather waited for them to approach me. My dearest friend in the world was, and still is, the most outgoing person I know. We attended the same school and were in the same grade. An added bonus was that she lived three houses up the street from me and we rode the same bus. I don't remember our first meeting, but most of my best childhood memories are of spending time with her. Twenty-six years later, we are still the best of friends and I attribute a lot of that to her friendly, affable personality. She didn't care that I was from the North or that I was shy, she just wanted to ride bikes together and go to the skating rink on Saturdays with me.

Now that I'm a Mom and have three daughters of my own, I get to sit back and watch how my children make friends. My first daughter, who is six, reminds me a lot of my best friend. She is sociable and friendly and will play with whomever is available. I'm proud of her because she does not discriminate against or prejudge anyone she plays with, as long as they are not mean or a bully. We have moved her around a lot too, four times in her short life to be exact, but settled permanently in our current location before she started school, so she'll never have to suffer the role of the “new kid”.

My second daughter, who is three, will have more trouble making friends I fear. She is more of a loner and plays well on her own. She does yearn for friends though and wants to run with her big sister and her crowd which, of course, is an annoyance to my oldest kid. Unfortunately, my middle child is unwittingly the “bratty little sister”. I hope in time, all three of my daughters will understand that they have their best friends built right into the family in having each other. I often lament not having a sister/instant best friend and have had to “adopt” some of my closest girl friends to play the part.

We are blessed to live in a really safe neighborhood where I feel okay letting my six-year-old play outside alone, as long as she stays in my view. However, many kids these days who live in more dangerous places, don't have the luxury of even leaving the safe haven of their home to play outdoors. Unfortunately, our society has become plagued by child obesity because kids spend so much time indoors watching TV or playing video games. It's important that these children get to a safe, supervised playground or community center to get exercise and meet children their own age. Cloistered children risk poor health and loneliness, so make sure they get into the game of life one way or another.

There are a lot of different places children can make friends. Besides the neighborhood, kids can meet peers at church, community playgrounds, sports teams, scouts, school, and extracurricular classes. Encourage your children to be congenial and make other kids feel comfortable around them. Not only will your kids be rewarded with a large circle of friends, but they'll also learn invaluable communication skills that they'll carry with them throughout their lifetime.

The dark side of teaching your children to be personable and make a lot of friends is that it's likely they'll meet a dud or two. If you notice your child spending a lot of time with, or mentioning a particular buddy more often, start asking a lot of questions. Make sure this kid is on the up and up. If you want a first-person view into the friendship that's forming between your child and his or her new friend, have your child invite the kid over to play. Casually observe them playing together while you supervise them and try to make sure this child will be nothing but a positive influence on your son or daughter.

Just like when we were kids, your children are bound to have spats with their friends. Try to remember how it felt when you were young and be as empathetic as possible when dealing with your child's feelings. Remind him or her how important family is during these trying times and that he or she can always count on Mom, Dad, and their siblings to love and care for them unconditionally. Impress on them that friends will come and go, but family is forever. Most childhood arguments are petty and fleeting and before you know it, the chums are reunited and playing together like nothing ever happened.

It can be hard to watch your child break away from the security of their family to venture out and meet new people. Remember that our task as parents is to not only provide roots for our children, but also help them to sprout their wings. Never discount the influence your children's peers have on them, but also never underestimate how much their friends can help to mold and shape them into productive members of society. Just teach them discernment in selecting their crowd, and you'll enjoy the peace of mind that the wisdom you instilled in them will provide.

by Lauren MJ Connelly