When it was time for me to go to college, I couldn't wait to get away from my home life. I chose a school three hours away which was just close enough to be able to visit, but far away enough to be out of my family's reach. I yearned for my independence, but still felt like a small child inside. After only one semester, my homesickness forced me to consider quitting and returning home. Then he came into my life, my future husband, and he would change the course of it forever.
One of my friends had told me about him and how he marched to the beat of his own drum. He dressed outrageously and was his own person, and before I had even met him, I was able to single him out in our college dining hall. My friends were impressed, but somehow I felt like I had always known him, even though I was seeing him for the very first time. Several days later we would be introduced to each other.
It was not love at first sight. I had no interest in him beyond friendship and didn't think he was interested in me either. We spent some time together and became good friends and I was glad to know someone so different and entertaining. Over winter break I broke my ankle and when I went back up to school, he helped me to get around in the snow with the large cast on my leg. He also made a big deal about my 19th birthday and took me out to dinner. I thought he was just a really nice guy.
One night, when several out-of-town friends were visiting him, he kissed me. I thought the timing was strange, but perhaps having his childhood friends around bolstered his confidence. That kiss was the beginning of the rest of my life. Don't get me wrong, our relationship in college was awful. He was selfish and self-centered and I was insecure and needy. We got married after graduating only because we had no plans to break up. The first few years of marriage were also a strain because we were still so young and immature. Things changed as we grew older and had kids and now I can honestly and proudly say, we have a very happy marriage.
Not everyone could have done things the way we chose to. It was divine providence that we met and stayed together for as long as we did through some really rough patches, but everything turned out beautifully. I'm sure everyone has their own definition of what a happy marriage is, but I can only speak from my own experience. A lot of it has been trial and error and we have hurt each other along the way, but barring any major disaster in the future, I believe my husband and I are in it for keeps.
One thing that makes our marriage happy is that divorce is out of the question. It's simply not an option and therefore does not allow us to have an out if things get shaky. We have to work on our marriage if it starts to go downhill because there is nothing else we can do. Two personality flaws my husband and I share are that we are both moody and we both have bad tempers. I hate that about us, but one virtue we also both possess is that we are quick to forgive and forget. I think grudges can be devastating to a marriage. The longer you're walking around giving each other the cold shoulder and the silent treatment, the more resentment will well up inside of you. When spouses harbor resentment towards each other, forgiveness does not come easily.
Another part of being forgiving is not getting annoyed about the little things. I could spend all day nitpicking at my husband for leaving his socks on the floor or getting toothpaste on the bathroom counter, but is it really worth getting upset over? He isn't doing it on purpose so there's no reason for me to get angry. I like to go the extra step and do a good deed for him every day. It's made him more appreciative of me, and more thoughtful towards me in return. Make compromises that you can both live with as far as tolerating each other's annoying behavior. Even adults should play nice!
An important part of being happily married is respect. If you don't feel like you're getting enough respect, try being more respectful to your partner. Treat him or her the way you want to be treated and the golden rule will reign in your household. I could never expect my kids to be respectful to their parents if they don't see us acting that way towards each other.
Trust is a huge part of a happy marriage. I'm not just referring to fidelity, that's obvious, but trust in your spouse regarding his or her spending, parenting, household management skills, etc. No one wants someone to hover over them and boss them around about how they could do a better job doing this or that, or questioning every penny that was spent in a given day. Treat each other like adults, not children, and joy will flourish.
It's important to keep the romance alive in a happy marriage. You don't necessarily have to go out on lavish dates all the time, but even simple flirting and small gifts here and there can put a smile on your mate's face. My husband and I love to snuggle and hug one another at every opportunity. We still hold hands after fifteen years together and we hope to do so for the next fifteen years and beyond. Stay connected, both emotionally and physically.
I believe the biggest factor in having a happy marriage is being each other's friend. My husband is without a doubt my best friend. We tell each other everything and keep no secrets. We were able to move 400 miles from where we first met, to another state where we knew no one, because we had each other and that was all we needed. Friendship is the foundation of a joyful marriage and that's how he and I started our journey together...as friends.
If you want to have a happy marriage, it takes some work. Cultivate your love for one another and never give up, for better or for worse.