Sorry, Madison, to hear about the loss of your daughter and father.  I lost my father on August 23 to pneumonia.  He was 82.  He was battling 3 cancers but it was the pneumonia that killed him.  I spent his last 2-1/2 months close to him and caring for him, attending to his every need.  I was assisted by 2 caregivers too but I wanted to take over the primary care of my father.

I'm still grieving and I cry intermittently.  I guess part of the grieving process is to play back, in your mind, over and over again, the moments you spent with your loved one - the things he said, his gestures, his comments, even a look here and there, his little habits and mannerisms.  Someone suggested that if I continue to grieve beyond 6 months, I should talk to someone about it.  I get nagging feelings that I should have done more even if people say I did all that I could.

Those 2-1/2 months I think constitute my turning point in life.  I felt very close to my father, and was so happy to have spent time with him.  And I think this is why my grief is so profound - because I was with him till the end.

I hope you can recover from your grief.  I know you miss your daughter and father very much, Madison.

I'm so sorry for your loss Madison. I can't even imagine losing a child. My brother-in-law passed a little over a year ago completely unexpectedly. He was 46, seemed to be in great health, had four kids, and just didn't wake up one morning. His teenage twin daughters found him. All we could do was stick together as a family and mourn his loss. Fortunately we live close to several of my husband's sisters, including the family that lost their dad, so we've been able to be there for them a lot. Now it's a little easier to talk about the good times and look at the pictures.

Having people to talk to is a great help.

Madison,

Your daughter sure was an amazing person, and I am happy that despite her brief stay on earth, she gave you countless joys and was a comfort to you during those moments when you needed it.  Mothers and daughters have a special bond.

The bond I feel with my father can never be broken or weakened.  I was close to my mother, but when she died it was a different kind of sadness I felt.  The sadness I feel for losing my father is something I can't explain.

Skatts,

I know what colon cancer is all about.  That's what my father died of, although it was pneumonia that eventually took him.  He was diagnosed with colon cancer in 2004 and wore a colostomy bag for 2 weeks.  After that he was ok.  He resumed his morning walks and remained active.  But early this year he started to get weak.  He survived his first bout with pneumonia in February, then it hit him again in August.  He came home from hospital and died a week later (August).

I shall pray for you.  As a caregiver, you're doing a great job.  You will be blessed.  I was with my father in his last 2-1/2 months looking after his needs.  Those are my most precious moments.  When you care for someone, someone up there will look after you.  It's the law of the universe.

Be strong.

I think it's really hard when someone close to you dies and the two of you have unresolved issues.  I loved my dad with all my heart but I'm still angry with him for things he did while he was alive.  I never knew that he gambled as much as he did.  I knew he played but I had no idea that he gambled away so much money that, after I left home, he nearly gambled away our family home!  After he passed away, I learned that he lost my mother's inheritance in ONE night.  He lost his own inheritance as well. 

I don't care about the money but now that he's gone, my mother is having trouble making ends meet.  So, after working all of her life, she is strapped for money.  The only account he couldn't get at was her retirement account and thankfully, at least she has that to live on.

Don't mean to get all goofy but I think it's hard when you lose someone and you have those nasty unresolved issues...

Moxie,

Unresolved issues between people seem magnified when one passes away.  I don't know what your belief system entails, but I believe that my loved ones who have passed on are still able to see and hear us on the other side when we talk about them or to them.  So, it follows that you always have time to make peace with your deceased father when or if you're ready to do that.  Carrying around that anger is hard work.  I understand why you're upset and angry because fathers are supposed to be the strong ones, the one who protects the family.  It sounds like your father let you down and didn't protect your mother so you're disappointed in him.  Sooner or later you might realize that he was just a human who made some mistakes.  You can forgive him when you're ready.  There's always time...when you're ready.